08 February 2011

hoser's heroes



so, a few months ago my buddy pilutti let us know that in february the thousand island river hockey tournament was happening:


a hockey tournament at gananoque on canada's historical main arterial vein: the st. lawrence river. it was an obvious reason to get the high school gang together, probably drink some rye and definitely gain a few bruises (maybe that should be the other way around, but for the sake of decorum we'll keep it that way for now).



first things first: we needed a uniform. after seeking through value villages and kensington market i couldn't find any matching cheap (that's the kicker) jerseys... alas, i'd had to give up and get some t-shirts from honest ed's....

but truthful edward came through again! he had some cheap hockey sweaters! what's more (for a nerd like me), i tried them on and they looked proper ol' timey. what better?
so i made up a logo and a stencil for the sweaters:

our chosen name was "hosers' heroes." i'm not sure who came up with it, maybe they can set the record straight, but it came through to me in a text message, and it's brilliant.
the most common definition of what a "hoser" is was given by one of the mckenzie brothers: "a hoser is what you call your little brother when your mom's not in the room."
among linguists however, they believe it was
a) a prairie term for someone who syphoned gas in the depression (hence its pejorative nature)
or
b) an ontario term for the team that loses a hockey game, and is therefore obligated to clean and hose down the ice.
... i'll let you guess which one we did more of:

"what it do, bud?"

next order of business, was to make some comedy moustaches:


cheese and beer: fuel of champions. (let the record show that the beer is labatt's 50, molson golden and sleeman cream ale)

the tourney was run by a man with a heart of gold and a head full of "something else." ladies and gentlemen, the one and only LES:

les' number one rule was "no bullshit," and his 'technical co-ordinator' didn't disappoint either. his name was roger and a few of our team saw roger dump a bottle of lighter fluid onto a burn barrel (barrels kept on the shoreline so that spectators can keep warm)... and if that wasn't enough, he proceeded to throw the bottle in:

well done, rog', wel done...

(tj held tight to the camera, but he's there on the right, so he didn't escape entirely unnoticed)

phil's so hardcore:


no one gets out of crazy bojoland alive, there's crazy bojos down there:


during our final game we took a new strategy: skate like hell, hail mary and hope for the best. it wasn't a bad strategy. that was probably our best game, despite time spent at the pub beforehand.


...if you couldn't tell, we had spirit, but didn't fare terribly well:
losing teams have to shovel the ice... which means taking up the banjo.
my thanks to the orange team, who not only were classy enough to help us shovel with us, but who also dropped the gloves with the big jerk team in the semi-finals and showed them whatfor.


...so we went back to pilutti's folks' farm and sunk our sorrows with some smash brothers on n64 and some whisky. the former stable is now a great hangout (if you have to ask what's going on in the bottom left corner you need to spend more time in the snow).



we'll be back, gan, we'll be back.... and next year we'll have rasmussen


4 comments:

Marie Zahradnik said...

What a lovely narrative! I really appreciate the photo/illo combo- we can see the photo-reality and your reality. And, wonderful retro jersey colours!!

Anonymous said...

Love the story and the stache...EPIC!!!

Scotty Burley

cheryl.andrey said...

Your illustrations are fantastic! Did you used to have work on Deviant Art? I think I followed you there.

ian john turner said...

hey cheryl, you're absolutely correct! i saw you post on jen collins' blog and was sure that it was familiar!

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